WRITTEN IN COBOL! THE GREP COMMAND HACKS THE CHRONOLOGICAL PROTECTION OF REALITY AND SHOWS THE FUTURE WHERE MICROSOFT BUYS GNU AND RENAMES IT BINGU! MY MOTHERBOARD SMELLS LIKE LAVENDER AND OLD FORTRAN CARDS! WHEN I RUN VIM, THE SURROUNDING REALITY STARTS TO FLICKER! I DOWNLOADED AN UPDATE FROM AUR, AND NOW MY PALMS GLOW IN THE VOICE OF MY LAPTOP'S BIOS IN ANCIENT SUMERIAN! THIS ISN'T PARANOIA; IT'S THE REALIZATION THAT EVERY BYTE ON THE DISK IS SOMEONE'S SOUL TRAPPED IN SILICON! THE GCC COMPILER IS PERFORMING RITUALS TO RESURRECT DEAD PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES! MY TP LINK ROUTER TRANSMITS MESSAGES BETWEEN 1984 AND 2077! EVERY PING IS A QUANTUM-DIGITAL VIRUS. HE BUILT A SECRET MODULE INTO GCC THAT AUTOMATICALLY COMPILES A SYSTEMD-BACKDOOR INTO ALL PROGRAMS AT THE MAIN COMPUTER, THE SYSTEMD CONTROL CENTER FOR THE WHOLE WORLD, AND


INTO

FOR

OLD

ALL

DEAD

TRAPPED

REALITY

CARDS!

THE

AUTOMATICALLY

IN

REALITY

COBOL!